


I'll Never Love Again

by jaemibbeom



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, It's full of yearning, Military, jk but just in case, prepare tissues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 04:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16569650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaemibbeom/pseuds/jaemibbeom
Summary: Every Korean man has a duty to serve his country. And Park Sungjin was no exception. A duty to render service in the military for 2 years. And all she had to do was to wait until it was over.Wait for two years. Two years, and they'll finally have their happy ending. Two years, yet a different ending came. Two years, but he never came back.





	I'll Never Love Again

**Author's Note:**

> Blame the glorious buzz-cut. God. And maybe, prepare for tissues? Like, lots of it. Idk, just in case.
> 
> Wrote this for @alexsupelana on twitter. luv u marupok titz
> 
> please play:  
> Lady Gaga - I'll Never Love Again

Slowly, I ran my fingers across his soft, fuzzy head. His once, lush black hair has now been replaced with a buzz cut. Fixating my gaze on his brown orbs made it harder for me to breathe, yet the corners of my lips arched just when I realized that these are the most beautiful pair of eyes that I have ever seen. Always sparkling, as if they own all the stars in the galaxy. Sungjin smiled back, one that was warm and bright—like how it has always been. I bit my lip as I felt him remove my hand and as I watched him intertwine it with his.

Fixing the way I was lying on his arm, I sobbed. He then started to kiss each of my fingers, while I remain staring at him.

“I love you,” he whispered as he wreathed me closer.

I bit my lip again, so strong that I could almost recognize the metallic taste of blood. I tried my best to compose myself, but to no avail, slowly, hot drops of liquid started falling from my eyes. He then started to wipe my tears away, but they were almost never ending. “I wish tomorrow never comes.” I whispered back.

The room was dark, only the little lamp across our bed illuminated the room. And even with this little light, I could see his face clearly. I lifted my free hand and traced his perfectly chiselled jawline, up to his lips. Must he be so perfect? He looked at me and raised a brow. I smiled sadly as I felt my heart swell once again. Tomorrow, he will be enlisting in the military for his compulsory service.

Sungjin heaved a sigh as he held my hand again. “Time will pass by quickly, love. Two years is not that long.”

“Two years is too long. I wish tomorrow never comes.” I repeated. He shook his head as he advanced to slowly place his lips on top of mine. I felt him smile. He moved away but then inched closer again to give me consecutive pecks on the lips.

“I will miss you. You’re right. Two years is really long,” he sighed again. “But we’ll be able to meet on holidays, and maybe I could also ask for time off? And I can also call you, although not that often…”

 I snuggled closer to him and buried my face on his chest, and as I inhaled my favourite scent that I know I will always yearn for starting tomorrow. “I will miss you so much, love.”

Sungjin chuckled lowly as he softly placed a kiss on the top of my head. “I will miss you too. I will send you letters, so don’t miss me too much okay?”

I pinched his waist and hit him gently. “How can I not miss you too much?” And then tears began dwelling on my eyes again. Sungjin beamed me a smile as he pulled me again for a kiss. Those lips… I will miss them so much.

“Eat well, okay? Don’t eat instant food, I’ll ask Dowoon to check on you every now and then, and I’ll ask him to report to me if he sees any ramen in our cabinet.” His brows creased. I laughed softly as I listened to him nag at me for the nth time.

This is my Park Sungjin who always puts me first before anything else. My Sungjin who is the symbol of thoughtfulness. My Sungjin who always reminds me to breathe, every time I feel like everything is too difficult and I just want to end everything. My Sungjin who is the answer to all my questions. My loving Sungjin who I love so much, with my whole heart and soul. And my Sungjin who I will be missing so much for the next two years as he serves in the military.

“Yes, sir.” I jested. This time, it was my turn to pull him for a kiss, and then the whole world around us fell away. Slow, soft, and comforting—his kisses were both my salvation and my torment. They always feel like I’m becoming one with my soul. With him, I am complete. With him, I am home. He is my paradise. My haven. He is where I belong to.

Two years. I’ll be away from my home for two years.

Sungjin broke the kiss and smiled, and my urge to caterwaul only intensified. I sobbed at the thought that I only had a few hours left to stare at his beautiful features, and I had to memorize them so I won’t forget while he is away.

“After two years, I promise… I will marry you. I will spend my forever with you. So please be patient and wait for me, okay? Please don’t find someone else, or else I’ll escape and shoot that guy.” He then laughed boisterously while I remained silent to listen to the wonderful laugh that I want to remain in my memory forever.

I pursed my lips. “How can I even look at another guy?”

Sungjin looked at me, and as the light fell on his face, I saw his eyes glisten. He bit his lower lip as he looked away. “I really want this night to never end.”

It was the cue. My heart broke crestfallenly at his words. I can never visualize myself in a world without him. How I wish these two years will pass by quickly, is that too much to ask?

“Promise me, you’ll come back to me. You can forget about me, but just… come home in one piece.” My lips were quivering. Tears started to stream down my cheeks again.

Sungjin sighed and kissed my forehead. “I promise.” He cupped my cheek and caressed it gently, brushing my tears away. “I’ll be home soon.”

I could not sleep even a wink. I spent the whole night memorizing his features. As the sun rose up to welcome another day, I knew that it will be a long wait for me. And parting is such a sweet sorrow.

_“Park Sungjin.”_

I stood stiff as I listened to his name being called. Sungjin pulled me tightly for the last time and kissed me, long, and passionately, before he smiled and waved at me as he entered and ran to his line.

He looked back at me as he mouthed, “I love you” for the last time.

_I love you too, Sungjin._

Time, please run fast. Please bring me my Sungjin back fast.

 

**\-----**

Two years. I have waited so long for this day to come—the day he would be released from his military service. I gazed at the cake I placed on the dining table. I specially baked this for this day, even designed it with a _“Welcome home, love!”_ to make it more suitable for what we’ll be celebrating today.

I gazed at the wall clock just beside the main door of our house. It’s already 7 in the evening, but he still hasn’t arrived. I’ve been waiting the whole day. Was he planning to surprise me? Like making me believe he won’t be coming home today and then just pop out from, I don’t know, a huge box?

A loud thumping sound from the outside was heard. I flinched on my seat and instantly leapt on my feet. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach churning nonstop. _He’s home_!

I raced towards the door with a heart full of hope. The last time we saw and talked to each other was 3 months ago, when I visited him in their base. We couldn’t meet during my birthday last month, but it was okay since I knew he would be coming back this month. _This day_.

My heart started pounding loudly. The mere idea of seeing him after opening the door almost moved me into tears. The doorbell rang and I hurriedly turned the knob to welcome him.

But then I was faced with two tall men wearing military uniforms, who looked quite familiar, yet neither of them was the person I want to see.

“Alex, right?” one of them queried. He was holding a huge box as he stood awkwardly beside the other man.

I was confused, but nodded nonetheless. “Yes, I’m Alex. How can I help you?”

I looked over their shoulders, trying to find the man I have been waiting for, but I couldn’t.

“I’m Jaebum.” the man who asked about my name introduced himself. “And this one’s Jinyoung. We’re Sungjin’s comrades in the base. We’ve met before during your first visit, but I guess you don’t remember us?”

My forehead remained creased. He was right. I don’t remember them, but it doesn’t matter. “Uh… What are you doing here? Where’s Sungjin?”

Jinyoung looked at Jaebum, and then Jaebum looked at Jinyoung. Their glances battled each other, as if arguing with their gazes. “You tell her.” It was Jinyoung.

“Tell me what?” This meaningless conversation has started to vex me. “And where is Sungjin? Are you guys here to pick me up or something? Did he send you here?”

A deafening silence followed. Nobody was blunting a topic. No one answered my question.

I heaved a sigh. “Look, I don’t have time to play with you. If you don’t have anything to say, just leave. And go tell Sungjin I’ve been waiting for him all day. What’s taking him so long?” I was getting impatient.

The both of them looked down simultaneously. They still weren’t uttering any word, much to my chagrin. I was about to shut the door in their faces when Jaebum stepped forward, still staring at his huge soldier shoes.

“He’s gone.”

I froze. I grew pale. My ears seemed to reject registering the two words that escaped from his mouth.

“He’s… what?” I repeated, giving him a chance to say something else, desperately seeking for a different answer.

Jaebum bit his lip as his expression grew dim. “Sungjin… died. Yesterday... Just the day before his release.”

White noise filled my head. My mind failed to register what I just heard. I shook my head. “What… Is this a prank? Like, did he send you here to make me cry and then he’ll show up behind you and—” I strode through the door and walked past them, and looked around. “—where is he? Tell him to come out already. I-I’m not in the mood for any jokes—”

“I’m sorry…” Jinyoung mumbled, just enough for me to hear.

My vision started to blur as hot tears formed in my eyes. No… what are these bastards saying?

I fell on my knees. I was too weak. I didn't know what to do. The pain was too vehement and I couldn't take it. Tears cascaded down my face as I struggled to raise my trembling hand and wipe them away. "No… S-Sungjin… He can’t be dead. He said he’ll be home today! He told me to wait… He said he’ll come back! He’ll come home to me! Why are you lying to me?!”

The two of them advanced and aided me to stand up, and then guided me to plop down and sit on the nearest couch. I couldn’t breathe. No… I don’t want to breathe. I don’t understand what’s happening. My extremities were quivering so hard. I couldn’t feel my legs. I turned to Jaebum and shook my head again.

“J-Jaebum… Jaebum, right? Where is he? Please tell him to come home… I’m waiting for him… He can’t be dead…” I pleaded. I reached out for his hand and squeezed it tight as I struggled to breathe. “Sungjin… I want to see Sungjin… I want… to be… with Sungjin…”

“Water, Jinyoung!” I heard Jaebum yell. I couldn’t focus. The next thing I knew, they were making me drink from a glass. “Alex, please calm down…” Jinyoung sighed as he sat beside me.

No… I still don’t understand… What is this all about?

Before I knew it, the two started to cry in front of me. Why are they crying? They shouldn’t be crying. Sungjin will be here soon. Maybe the traffic was just terrible. Maybe he had to drop by his parents’ house in Busan. Maybe he was still buying a gift for me. Maybe—

“H-He…” Jaebum resumed. “T-There was a commotion yesterday at the base. A-And Sungjin… being a sergeant in our battalion, he had to do his work... North Koreans invaded our base even though there had been a truce already… And h-he… he got s-shot—”

“Where is he?” I cut him off.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t—”

“Where is he?!” I repeated, vociferating with all my remaining strength. I need to see him… I need to see him as soon as possible.

Jinyoung wiped his tears with the sleeve of his uniform. “His body is at the morgue. His parents arrived last night at the hospital.”

I can’t believe what I just heard. “Why didn’t you call me when he was still alive?! I could… I could’ve seen him for the last time… I could’ve talk to him for the last time… I could’ve—” I pulled his shirt and started hitting him. “No… Please… Just give Sungjin back to me… Please… He can’t leave me alone…”

The pain in my chest intensified, and no amount of solace could abate it. Two years. I waited for two years. I suffered for two years… If I can no longer see that bright smile he used to always show me, the smile that encouraged me to breathe… how am I supposed to survive?

He was the fuel that kept me going. And now, the fire inside me that was keeping me alive just died.

I can’t live in a world where I can no longer see his eyes. Where I cannot hear his voice… my name rolling on his tongue… my body not wreathed in his embrace…

“These are his things.” Jaebum took the box he rested on the floor. “It contains all the stuff he had during his service, including the letters he wrote but never sent you. He was waiting for this day to give them to you all at once.” He handed me the box.

I stared at the box. This huge box contains all the remaining memories of Sungjin that he never got the chance to share to me face to face.

“And… there’s a video recording inside… We recorded him during your birthday when we saw him sulking at the corner because he couldn’t even talk to you on your special day.” Jinyoung added, as if the pain in my chest wasn’t enough. “Alex, we’re his friends… We’ll support you… we’ll look after you… because that’s what he wants. He wants you to be well.”

No. I don’t need anyone’s support. I want Sungjin. I want to be where he is. I just want to be enveloped by his arms, where I feel safe the most. I just want him to be here again, so I wouldn’t feel cold anymore. I just want him to be back. I just… want him to come home.

My throat tightened in pain. Emotions started surging like huge tidal waves and I couldn’t run away to save myself. The world just stopped turning.  And as my heart shattered into millions of irreversible pieces, I knew.

“Sungjin…” I called his name for the nth time as if he would magically appear before me. “Sungjin… how could you leave me alone like this… I can’t do this alone…”

If I knew that three months ago would be the last time I would see him, I would’ve told him how much I love him. I would’ve told him just how amazing life had been for me because he was with me.

I still vividly remember how enchanting it was to be in his arms. How I would feel jocund everytime his gaze fixates on me. How I would want the moment to never stop, and know no boundaries. I can still visualize everything.

How am I supposed to live in this world… when my whole world just died?


End file.
